I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
