Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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