For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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