I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
