i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
