idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
