What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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