Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize