Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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