My hand turned me down
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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