i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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