My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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