i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
