You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
bring money and cleavage
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
