And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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