Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
