she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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