Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
