..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
