guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
