i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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