Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There r osticjed everywhere
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
