My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
