I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
