and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
