a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
