Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
