I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
