No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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