U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
