Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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