He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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