I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
