two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
