just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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