Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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