you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
