you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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