we're blogging at a bar
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
