I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
