Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
