I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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