Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
