I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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