I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i came on her dog
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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