Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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