he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
