I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
