Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
