I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize