shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
