you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
