you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
