You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
