last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
