I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
