Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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