I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
