I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
