i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
tell me about the fingering
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