A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize