Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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