So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
