My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
