if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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