two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
