I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
