I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize