made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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