wake up i wanna do it froggy style
false alarm. still invincible.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
