I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
