like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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