So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
