How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
